Dear reader,
Maya Angelou wrote, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. So, first, I want to offer you words of support and encouragement as you come to terms with your own untold story. I know all too well the pain and complexities of dealing with issues related to spiritual trauma and how challenging the recovery process can be. Please know that you’re not alone.
Exploring and confronting your wounds can be painful and formidable work, and I deeply respect your inner strength and determination in beginning this process. I avoided dealing with my own spiritual wounds for far too long.
Despite what some experts might have you believe, there is no magic formula or precise recipe to follow on your healing journey; it’s a deeply personal process. It’s likely that you’ll occasionally feel overwhelmed and uncertain as you do the work required for healing. It’s helpful to remind yourself that your feelings are normal and understandable during these times.
Someone once observed that recovery is never linear, meaning it doesn’t occur in a straight line from pain to healing. Instead, it’s a long, winding spiral of growth, self-discovery, and reclamation. You begin to retrieve those parts of yourself that got left behind, like your capacity for joy, optimism, self-confidence, and self-love. Have you ever noticed how small children can be full of themselves in the most delightful way? There was a time very early in your life when that small and exuberant child was you.
And while it’s true that your past religious experiences may continue to fester and plague you, they most definitely don’t define you. You have within you the ability to shape your future, honor your truth, and embrace your authentic self, although you might not believe this yet. For now, please be gentle with yourself. You deserve compassion and kindness. I urge you to treat yourself as you would a close friend who is going through a difficult time. And so, how about considering doing the following?
Reach out to friends, family, and or support groups for reassurance and perspective.
Sharing your experience with others who understand can be incredibly therapeutic. A healthy community can validate your feelings and experiences and provide valuable emotional support. Group members have often faced some of the same challenges you now face. Connecting with people further along in their healing process can inspire and encourage you. In turn, offering others your insights and support is both gratifying and empowering.
Consider working with a therapist specializing in spiritual trauma and recovery.
Experienced and empathic therapists can assist you in navigating the complex psychological and emotional challenges that often accompany spiritual trauma and abuse. A competent, caring therapist also provides a much-needed place to feel safe, validated, and understood as you begin the vital work of healing.
Make your health and well-being a priority.
Most survivors of trauma aren’t particularly good at this at first. Work on giving your body what it needs to thrive, feed your soul, and take time for yourself. Do things that bring you pleasure and peace.
Begin establishing clear boundaries with people or situations that trigger painful memories or emotions.
Practice saying, “No.” I’m guessing that this will be incredibly uncomfortable at first. It’s unlikely that you were encouraged to communicate your needs and set limits while growing up. And yet, both are essential to protecting your time, emotional well-being, and energy.
Learn as much as you can about spiritual trauma and recovery.
“Knowledge is power” isn’t just a tired old cliche. It’s plain and simple truth. Trauma is often isolating, and learning about the common symptoms, beliefs, and behaviors associated with spiritual trauma can help you feel less alone. It can also assist you in better understanding your experiences, locate resources for healing, reclaim your spirituality, and reduce your risk of further trauma.
Celebrate your progress, no matter how modest.
Healing is a long and often arduous process. Acknowledging your progress can help you stay motivated and hopeful. Recognizing how you’ve grown increases your self-esteem and fosters your sense of strength and resiliency.
Give Yourself Permission to Heal
Giving yourself permission to heal may seem like a strange suggestion. After all, why would you need permission? Because I suspect that you probably received indirect messages such as you’re a sinner, not good enough, or not worthy of love and acceptance. These messages tend to live submerged within your unconscious, making it difficult to believe at the deepest level that you deserve to heal. You may also carry a significant amount of guilt for disappointing your family or leaving your spiritual community, regardless of the harm it may have caused you. Perhaps the threat of hell or Armageddon keeps you frozen in fear. And (or) you may be afraid of the unknown and what it will mean to let go of what has occupied such an immense space in your life for so long? How will you fill the gaping void? Can you now appreciate why you might resist healing even though you desperately want to? We’re strange and complicated creatures, you and I. Capable of sabotaging ourselves and acting against our best interests. We’re also extraordinary in a vast number of ways.
You’ve endured so much fear, pain, and confusion throughout your lifetime, and yet you’ve survived it all. You, my dear reader, are a walking, talking miracle who most definitely deserves to be healthy, happy, and whole. You’re capable and worthy of creating and embracing a rich, fulfilling, and meaningful life. It’s simply waiting for you to move toward it…
With heartfelt love and longing,
Tammie Fowles
Web Resources on Healing and Recovering from Spiritual Trauma and Religious Abuse
Resources for Religious Trauma and Adverse Religious Experiences
Spirituality, Therapy, and the Good Life 