Spirituality, Therapy, and the Good Life

I watched the above video clip today by David Wann, author of The New Normal. In the preface of his book he writes, “The cultural framework we live in – our way of thinking – will either save the day or drop the fragile egg that rightfully belongs to the future. We usually assume that huge challenges can only be finessed with technical, political and economic fixes, but we forget that all three are programmed by human culture, and it is there that we can leverage change most quickly and effectively. What do we really mean by this fuzzy term, “culture?” It’s not just about paintings and music, not just opinions, values, and styles; it’s nothing less than the lens through which we perceive reality – the customs, traditions, symbols, norms, motivators, and direction that constitute a way of life. Right now, our culture is confused – trapped between the old paradigm – in which economic growth is king – and a new paradigm that correctly perceives limits to growth and acknowledges its potentially catastrophic social and environmental costs. We are looking for a new identity – a new normal that is more secure, stable, and sensible.”

I whole heartedly believe that while the obstacles we face today are daunting and even frightening, they offer tremendous opportunities for a “new normal” that’s far more satisfying and meaningful than our current status quo.

Wann observes that Americans are overfed but undernourished and offers a number of suggestions for feeding our hungry souls and creating a healthier world. As a therapist, citizen, and mother, I’m committed to learning as much as I can about how together we can create such a world.

Tom Shadyac is a wonderful example of a birthquake. Incredibly successful as a writer and director of blockbuster comedies, he had it all – money, fame, and all of the trappings of success. And it all worked beautifully for him, until it didn’t. Little by little he became increasingly disillusioned. Then he had a bike accident. For months following his accident he was plagued with debilitating headaches that caused him to frequently confine himself to dark and quiet places. He found himself with a lot of time to think about his life, the direction it was heading, and what truly mattered to him. It turned out that his mansion, his fame, and his millions weren’t enough. It turned out that Tom Shadyac needed MORE.
So he proceeded to give away his money, traded his mansion for a trailer park (no kidding), and got to work on an entirely new kind of film, a documentary called, “I AM”, where he travels around the world interviewing the people who inspired him about the things that mattered most.
James Hollis observed in “What Matters Most” that, “We are the most affluent culture in history, the most gifted with material abundance, and we are starving. “ Tom Shadyac’s “I AM” addresses how we might more effectively fill our empty places and feed our hungry ghosts. You can watch a trailer of “I Am” here and if you’re in the vicinity of Lewiston, Maine, stay tuned. We hope to screen it soon and follow up with a discussion.

In a Ted Talk entitled, “The Council of Dads” that is both humorous and poignant, Bruce Fieler talks about his experience as a father with cancer. I found a number of points worth noting but was especially touched by the following:

“As I became less and less human — and at this moment in my life, I was probably 30 lbs. less then I am right now … I had no hair and no immune system…At that moment I was less and less human, I was also, at the same time, maybe the most human I’ve ever been. And what was so striking about that time was, instead of repulsing people, I was actually proving to be a magnet for people… Cancer, I found, is a passport to intimacy. It is an invitation, maybe even a mandate, to enter the most vital arenas of human life, the most sensitive and the most frightening, the ones that we never want to go to, but when we do go there… we feel incredibly transformed.”

I have found this to be true as I accompany my own mother through her journey with lung cancer. I have witnessed and experienced profound pain and fear, and yet have also encountered moments of dark beauty, where we were steadied and held by the tremendous caring and compassion of others.

In “Why Taking Care Of Just My Own Corner Of The World Is No Longer An Option” therapist and founder of Therapists for Social Responsibility, Shauna Smith, asserted, “We as therapists are in a unique position to know, understand and speak out about the inequities in our society, the crimes committed against humanity and especially children, because of a system whose bottom line is profit, not people. We know that basic social services are woefully inadequate and that reducing them while delivering corporate tax credits, subsidies and bailouts, never mind the $1 billion a day that goes to the military and the additional estimated $100 to $200 billion to fund preemptive military interventions in other countries, is unacceptable… We are in a unique position to know that more and more people are being diagnosed with stress, depression and anxiety. While we may not know the exact interplay of nature vs. nurture within each individual we do know that people’s well-being improves when they live in environments which nurture and support rather than deplete and impede. We could double everybody’s dosage of celexa to stabilize their moods, but in many cases people are experiencing normal reactions to being bombarded by the system they live under. ”

In a letter to congress and to key members of the Obama administration on mental health impacts of client change, psychologists for social responsibility wrote, “Climate change already appears to be having devastating environmental effects in the U.S… The psychological responses to those effects can also be devastating. Many Americans are already anxious about what climate change portends. The greater risk is that millions of people will develop severe and persistent anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress, aggression, and other troubled behavior if the U.S. does not quickly lead the way to dramatically reduce carbon emissions.

Without such action, the impact of heat waves, extreme storms and floods, droughts and water shortages, food production problems, lessened air quality, sea level rise, and displacement from homes and communities is likely to pose significant mental-health challenges to millions of Americans and billions of others worldwide…”

As therapists we all too often witness the psychological, emotional and spiritual pain infllicted by our profit driven culture. How do those of us charged with assisting our clients to create lasting change address these wounds while all too often ignoring their social causes? Eknath Easwaren, creator of passage meditation, reminds us that, “lasting change happens when people see for themselves that a different way of life is more fulfilling than their present one.” There’s a great deal that those in the mental health profession have come to understand regarding the root causes of depression, anxiety, over-consumption, and alianation. We also have so much to offer in terms of sharing (not only with our clients but within our larger communities) what will counter these ills and promote meaning, community, happiness and sustainability. (More on this in later posts)

I attended the Awakening the Dreamer, Changing the Dream workhsop this past weekend where we were reminded that all we need to do to make this a more “environmentally sustainable, spiritually fulfilling and socially just” world is to just do SOMETHING, ANYTHING. If each and every one of us does just one little thing towards any of of these goals, the ultimate transformation will be remarkable. What one little thing might you do?

On this grey, bitterly cold day, I take a deep slow breath and remember the following words of wisdom…

“May you experience each day as a sacred gift woven around the heart of wonder.”
~John O’Donohue~

I just read a wonderful poem at the Awakening Awareness Blog
A poem that speaks to so many wonderful people whom I travel beside…

Poem For a New Beginning

In out of the way places of the heart
Where your thoughts never think to wander
This beginning has been quietly forming
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire
Feeling the emptiness grow inside you
Noticing how you willed yourself on
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the grey promises that sameness whispered
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent
Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream
A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is one with your life’s desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.
~john o donohue~

What will it take to create a world that is environmentally sustainable, spiritually fulfilling and socially just? The Awakening the Dreamer, Changing the Dream symposium addresses these questions and more. Watch the above video and then check here to find out where the next symposium will be in your part of the world. On January 29th I’ll be attending the symposium in Portland, Maine from 10:00 to 4:00. If you’re in the area, I encourage you to consider registering to attend.

The symposium is described as, “an interactive transformational workshop that inspires participants to play a role in creating a new future: an environmentally sustainable, spiritually fulfilling, and socially just human presence on this planet.” Symposium facilitater, Maggie Cheek wrote, “In our 4 hour symposium we aim to wake people up and create Change Agents in a state of Blessed Unrest who are inspired, equipped and empowered to spread our commitment to changing the dream of the modern world.” I’m looking forward to the 29th.

The Book of Awesome: Snow Days, Bakery Air, Finding Money in Your Pocket, and Other Simple, Brilliant Things

The late nineties were rough years for Neil Pasricha, and after his wife told him that she no longer loved him and a close friend committed suicide, he came home from work one day and in an attempt to cheer himself up he started a tiny little blog he called, “1000 awesome things.” In a TED talk he explained, “I was trying to remind myself of the simple, universal, little pleasures that we all love, but we just don’t talk about enough — things like waiters and waitresses who bring you free refills without asking, being the first table to get called up to the dinner buffet at a wedding, wearing warm underwear from just out of the dryer, or when cashiers open up a new check-out lane at the grocery store and you get to be first in line — even if you were last at the other line, swoop right in there.” And this sweet and simple little blog eventually won a webby award and launched a bestselling book.
We all need to be reminded of those tiny and all too often uncelebrated pleasures in our lives. So I think I’ll start with just 10. Let’s see…

1. warm towels
2. Baked bread
3. Birds flying in formation
4. The smell of the forest in spring time
5. A puppy’s kiss
6. Pumpkin pie
7. The first sip of hot coffee in the morning
8. That feeling that comes right before you drift off to sleep
9. Absorbing the warm sun on my face
10. Being moved by a piece of music
11. Laughing so hard my muscles ache (oops getting carried away here, only supposed to write 10.

Yup. I feel better. Your turn. Try it. Just list 10….

In How We Choose to be Happy, authors Rick Foster and Greg Hicks identify 9 choices that extremely happy people make. What are those choices? The happiest people:

1. Consciously choose happiness over unhappiness
2. Choose to accept full responsibility for their thoughts, actions, and feelings
3. Choose to look deeply inside of themselves to determine what makes them uniquely happy vs. looking to others to learn what should make them happy
4.Choose to keep what makes them happy cenral in their lives
5.Choose to convert problems into opportunities and find meaning in even the most painful times
6. Choose to be open to new opportunities and remain flexible and ready to adapt when the unexpected occurs
7. Choose to possess a deep and ongoing appreciation for all that is good in their lives and to stay present focussed
8. Choose to give of themselves generously and without expectation of being rewaded
9. Choose to be honest with themselves and others

I’m going to spend some time reflecting on the exceptionally happy people that I know and consider how closely this criteria fits them. Does it fit the extremely happy people you know? First of all, who are those people in your life? Have you identified them yet? What do you think makes them so genuinely happy?