Spirituality, Therapy, and the Good Life

“How do we change the world? One random act of kindness at a time.”

Morgan Freeman

I was in Scotland when I learned about the terrible attacks in Lewiston, Maine – the city where we have a home and where my daughter, grandchildren, and so very many people that I care about live. It’s where my husband works and where I had a private psychotherapy practice for several years. My heart feels leaden this first morning back in Maine as I struggle to make sense of the senseless.

During our stay in Ireland and Scotland, the kindness of strangers repeatedly touched us. A level of caring that seems increasingly rare in the United States and which has prompted me to ask: what has happened in a country so often touted as “the richest and most powerful in the world” that has left us feeling less connected, less compassionate, and less kind to those beyond our immediate circles? To what extent do our fractured connections, diminishing sense of community, and the scarcity of random acts of kindness correlate with the surge in random acts of violence? And how might offering and receiving more frequent acts of kindness contribute to our healing?

While I know all too well that there are no simple solutions or quick fixes, it seems reasonable to expect that living in a kinder and more connected world would be living in a safer world. In a kinder world, we’d be far more likely to experience greater empathy, resolve conflicts more effectively, feel less lonely, ask for help more readily, and possess greater happiness and well-being.

While we can only speculate about the motivations of the individual responsible for the tragedy in Lewiston (whom I choose not to name), it’s been said that “hurt people hurt.” Amid our collective pain here in Maine, I’m hoping that the assertion that “kindness begets kindness” might offer us additional perspective and guidance as we move through the coming dark and dismal days.

When we experience and witness kindness, we’re far more likely to pass it on. When we’ve been supported in our grief, we’re more likely to reach out to another who is grieving. When we receive help from a stranger, we’re more likely to help someone unknown, and when we’ve been a recipient of generosity, we often behave more generously. In this all too often “what’s in it for me?” culture, research informs us that the kinder we are, the healthier, happier, and more resilient we tend to be. And so, in passing on acts of kindness and compassion, we not only help to heal this broken world, we, too, experience healing.

I have so many questions and far too few answers, so I’ve begun searching for any perspective, wisdom, and comfort I might find. I’ll carve out time during the next few months to share here some of what I discover. In the meantime, I’m going to lean on kindness as much as I possibly can.

With so much love and so much sadness…
Tammie Fowles

Following are two videos that I came across this morning that offer some perspective on our culture at large, and offers a vision for healing.